Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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