sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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