Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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