I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
