Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I pour the whiskey from now on
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
