accomplished twins. life is a go
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
