Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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