Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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