i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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