I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
