I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I touched a dick in church today
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