Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
