My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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