So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
