He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
