ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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