did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
