"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
