Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
