I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
