Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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