Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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