and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
