your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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