She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
