Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
