cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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