she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
