After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
