dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
