I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
