Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
where am i from again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
