Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
