her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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