I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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