I want to have your abortion
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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