did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
