you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
