somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
