she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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