the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
