I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
