apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize