He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
