I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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