My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
