He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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