She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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