Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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