Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
