VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
