Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
