yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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