just tell him i said nine months
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
