I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
