I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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