so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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