I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
