The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize