he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
