it was like his penis was on wheels.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Less talking, more tequila
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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