I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize