remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently you make a good broom.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dignity is for republicans.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
