I cannot find my penis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
