He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I want to fling myself into the sun
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize