Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
