So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
did i walk over a car last night?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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