OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
