Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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