My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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