remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
