The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
