now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
