i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize