I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
