My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
