My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
