for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
